Anciently, when God did ordain to claim this drear and waste domainHim did it please to bid his saintsagainst all pleading abject ‘plaintsto sojourn here ‘cross cruel seato raise The…
Horror
Having a Jesuit for Dinner
A Monologue of The Emperor Qian Long (1711-1799). I bid you welcome to the Summer Palace, and to this, my garden behind the Hall of Paintings. There is no…
Bottle Caps
As anyone who is or has been the “nerdy kid” growing up can attest, you can’t help but assume the worst when the biggest bloke in class suddenly walks up…
The Horses’ Heads Were Toward Eternity
5:40 Gyeongbu Expressway It took me a while to recall the painting and the poem. We were all still recovering from the fright. Li was quiet. Kim was silent as…
Postpartum
My wife gave birth to a giant spider. It crawled out of her vagina, legs first, its body about the size and shape of a baby except for the legs,…
Indoor Plumbing
I found a gold watch in my Toilet one day. An elegant, minimalistic thing. It rested, without emphasis, on the bottom of the bowl, and I could see through the…
Featureless as Drywall
When Greg’s penis fell off he did not feel any pain. Indeed, he might not have noticed it had happened until he got to the office, if it weren’t for…
The Tooth Fairy
There exists an oddly prevalent nightmare in which a person’s teeth are broken or knocked out. Although I am glad to report that I’ve never experienced it, I have suffered…
The Dog Park is Sacred!
Some people can shout without raising the volume of their voice. Kathryn Thoms had that ability. The target of her Thursday afternoon ire was Ronald, who’d managed his local Kroger…
Shock Totem
A chapter from Th. Metzger’s novel Shock Totem, to order from Amazon click here. Brian was on his bed, doing the Prong and listening to the invisible Negroes inside his…