Biting the Hand that Feeds You for Fun and Profit

The Star

Interpretations of this clearly cosmic card tend to be a bit mushy. It’s a matter of perspective. Don’t look up at the heavens—what business are they of yours? Think about the plumbing.

We just redid our bathroom. We gained the following insights of obvious and existential relevance to this card’s interpretation. Too many mirrors can be a problem, as can shiny surfaces in general. And that’s why this card always give me a headache.

Capsule meaning: Costco does not always have the best deals on pain killers. Always check CVS too.

The Moon

The lunacy card! One of my all-time favorites. Some addle-pated interpretations suggest “intuition” or “feelings” both of which are stupid.  Other addle-pated interpretations suggest “trickery” or “illusion” which are probably closer to the mark and certainly a good deal more entertaining.

So the moon is full of mysteries. Not cheese, as we were wont to think, although cheese can be pretty mysterious—not as mysterious as sausage: what goes into them? What stays out? How late does it stay out?

Capsule meaning: Check the pantry. Can you field canapes in a crisis? Be ready for company. Some M&M’s in a dish might be nice.

The Sun

At least it’s not the Star. Amiright?  Also— there’s a horsie.

Capsule meaning: Stop whining you big baby.


Lots of big talk about resurrection, nirvana, raising of the dead, and similar creepy stuff, but I don’t see it.

So let’s have a look at the actual card, shall we?  An angel judging two hard-working humans. Nah, I’m not buying it. Some deity sends its horn wielding mouthpiece to tell us whether we’ve been bad or good? Sounds suspiciously like Santa Claus to me. Is Santa a god?  He works at Macy’s. You be the judge.

Capsule meaning:  Don’t wake the dead. They really hate it. And try to avoid retail jobs.

The World

According to the freemasons, the World stands for strength, wisdom, and harmony, but who believes anything that freemasons come up with? 

Really, it’s about fulfillment in the Amazon sense. You know, having stuff. The woman on the card has an eagle, a lion, a cow and, inexplicably, Opie from the Andy Griffith Show. She’s got the whole world in her hands, or at her feet, or in her pants, depending on your point of view.

Capsule meaning:  Let’s go shopping now! Everybody’s learning how! Have a mall safari with me! Or don’t. I’m easy.

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